Since having a kid, this is the #1 question I get from artists.
At 30, I didn’t foresee a future where I had children. I had just started dating seriously again and was focused on my career in tech.
Then a few years later, I had a vivid dream where I was living in a white house, drinking tea and hanging out with my kids!
It was one of those dreams that stayed with me, crystal clear even over time. Along with it was an ancestral nudging (somewhere in my gut/heart) telling me to get moving.
My karmic destiny was tied up in this vision of a family life, a career different from what I was currently working on, and in a house that supported my wellbeing.
Below are several tips that have worked for me as I navigated my first year of motherhood. Some of this seems pretty obvious but I’ve added details that might be helpful.
I would categorize them as 1) finding structural support to meet your logistical needs (like time and space) and 2) creating a routine so you can keep making art despite the ups and downs of the early years.
#1 Find Childcare
In the Bay Area, nanny rates are $25-30/hr (last time I interviewed using Care.com in 2024).
Preschool/daycare rates are around $2000 per month for full-time care.
We were very lucky to have a (biological) aunt who offered to do part-time care at a lower-than-market rate. The rest of the time, we have a part-time nanny who we pay at market value.
The hours are 8AM-3PM, so I have a substantial chunk of time to make art, run errands, cook, garden and take care of myself.
This was very important in the first six months after giving birth as I had postpartum pre-eclampsia and my blood pressures were stroke-level high even in the 8th month after delivery because I was adjusting to new medication. In the first month, I went to the ER twice for high blood pressure.
Reliable, stable and affordable childcare is probably the primary reason why I didn’t have postpartum depression (PPD) and why I never really struggled with my identity as an artist or mother.
I think the movie NightBitch captures so aptly the long-term toll of mothering - how lonely and overwhelming it can feel (it’s all about survival in the first year!) so that everything else pales in comparison, including your former career and life.
#2 Set Up Studio Space (Outside The Home)
If you’re like me and you have a kiddo who suffered from severe separation anxiety (crying for four hours straight with the new nanny), you’ll have to set up your studio space outside the home - even if it’s in the garage - to get a sense of distance and routine.
While I was at home, I felt guilty if I heard the baby crying. This put pressure on my paid caretakers who felt I was a crutch. It put pressure on me to never go back to (non-remote) work.
Currently, I’m doing a residency at Kala Art Institute. Having a studio outside made it much easier to slip back into a work routine and keep precious artworks and supplies out of baby’s reach.
Now my home studio functions more like an office/showroom for finished artworks. Most of my toxic materials or fragile prototypes are stored in the garage.
I also minimize painting inside the home studio as I don’t want toxic fumes trapped indoors.
#3 Continue To Go To Work Events
In the first year, I made many excuses not to go to the early evening shows because they interfered with the baby’s bedtime. Because my partner worked late some evenings, I became the primary sleep parent, and baby became attached to me.
However, the reality is that going to shows and events is part of a thriving creative practice, as it’s where conversations lead to new insights and opportunities occur.
Personally, going to art events—where I talk to other artists and arts professionals - has been one of the strongest ways to reclaim my identity as an artist.
I felt the most like an artist talking about the artworks that interested me, as well as concepts and ideas, rather than sometimes working in the studio by myself where the work and ideas were stuck in my head.
Rupy C. Tut, a Bay Area painter and mother of three, advised me to reserve weekends for family time. So, I make a habit of taking my husband and baby along for weekend art events such as museum family days or gallery openings.
On the plus side, my cute baby has definitely attracted a number of artists and gallery owners to come speak to me without me needing to approach them!
#4 Meet and Hang Out With Other Parents
Sometimes, when I run into other parents, it’s like greeting survivors of a shipwreck: we’re all clinging to life rafts and asking each other “Are you OK?”
This was especially true the first five months, before baby began sleeping through the night. Like an idiot, I did not realize we would wake up every two to three hours to feed our baby (I thought it was four to five hours).
Most of the time, it’s incredibly fun and stimulating to gush over each other’s kids (and colorful outfits).
We still learn so much from chatting with other parents and almost always feel revived by the understanding and encouragement we receive, often from complete strangers, about the trials of early parenthood.
Now, we hang out with other parents on a regular basis, which creates a support community where we trade tips, commiserate and grow together in this new phase of life.
#5 Integrate Your Child Into Your Art Practice
Recently, I made some paper artworks and gave them to my child to play with. He promptly tore them apart.
As an artist, I value creativity, autonomy and adventurousness, which lends itself well to motherhood.
I am invested in creating artworks that are more child-friendly, with dreams of one day making an installation that is interactive for kids.
While my kiddo is too young to make art just yet (he’s more interested in throwing crayons than drawing right now), I’m excited to make artworks with him the way so many artists parents do.
Under the age of 2, he’s currently easy to take around the big museums - he doesn’t throw tantrums yet and is relatively OK with me carrying him through the exhibits as long as I let him climb the stairs,
I do like SFMOMA’s family museum day and ICA SF’s family museum day. I also find BAMPFA welcoming to little ones. OMCA is next on my list.
#6 Consider Other Streams of Income
It’s no secret children cost a lot. I don’t want to pretend that my partner and I didn’t have a conversation about finances. I knew I most likely wouldn’t be able to work due to having a high-risk pregnancy and that after birth, I would be hit by the “mom tax”.
This is something we’re still debating, but for me, being an artist by itself no longer feels financially responsible, which is why I’m looking into long-term, stable gigs - like teaching or contract design work.
There is so much to say on this subject as I know the #1 barrier to parenthood is finances (not just childcare, but fertility and pregnancy costs themselves can be through the roof without insurance) and the HCOL in the Bay Area.
I know many folks who chose not to have kids and think that’s perfectly fine. I also think if you’re like me, and you have even a spark of wanting a kid (or have debated regretting not having one), then it’s worth considering, as our kiddo has made us happy beyond our wildest dreams.
Let me know if there’s anything I missed on creating balance as an artist and a mother! I’d love to hear what you think.